Four months! Seriously, where did the time go? It seems like we were just planning the wedding and now we've been married four months! Time goes by so quickly! I kind of want it to slow down a little bit! We knew when we chose to be together that it would come with some consequences and most definitely some roller coaster rides. Not between the two of us but from outside forces! And that is exactly what has happened.
I came from a broken home, but I was 14 when it happened, I never had to deal with being a child of a blended family or a step-parent. Although I lived with my dad and I didn't ever really like any of his girlfriends. Mark, however, did not grow up in a broken home. His parents divorced when he was an adult. So this is pretty much uncharted territory for both of us. Well, when we were dating, everything was fantastic! But when I tell you the MINUTE we got married, everything changed with his oldest....I mean the MINUTE! We weren't even halfway through our reception when it all started to change. But, I love those kids, I love them just as much as I love mine. I know for some of you that might be hard to believe....you're probably saying "not possible to love somebody else's children as much or in the same way as your own" And that might be true if they were anyone else's kids besides Mark's. But I love Mark SO much that it is just natural to love his kids too. But, this has been a struggle. And for the first time in my life, I have come to understand the phrase "I love you, but I don't like you right now" Boy, have I come to understand that phrase!
The bottom line is that she wants her parents married. She has said that to us and made it perfectly clear that she will do whatever it takes to make that happen. So, I have encouraged Mark to spend some one on one time with her. He has and it hasn't really helped. He has explained to her that he loves her very much but that he will never be married to her mommy again. So she has made a choice to become very unruly. But that hasn't changed the way either one of us deal with her or love her. We still have our rules at home, and because she has to follow them and she can't do whatever she wants, she has made a choice to stay at her mom's and not come to our house with the other two. And that is fine. I have explained to her that I do not want to take her mom's place, but that I do love her. It's a rough thing for a child and the LAST thing needed is one of the parents or step-parents making it harder....but.....that's what is happening!
When we returned from Seattle, we found out...from the kids....that while we were gone they had come to our house with Mommy! They climbed throuhg a window and got to show Mommy their bedrooms. Then Mommy had to do some work in Daddy's room so they had to stay downstairs. Naturally, I got pretty upset and scared. When I started crying, Nancy put her hand on my shoulder and said "it's ok, it will all be ok because Daddy's moving back into our house in a couple of weeks and Mommy and Daddy are getting married again." When we asked her why she said that, she responded with "Mommy told us!" So needless to say, both of us have been a little freaked out! And the most frustrating part is that I know if their Mom wasn't playing these kinds of games, Liza would be just fine. These games weren't played when we were just dating, but in the past four months they have been played in full force! It's been like Field Day on Steroids!!
So yes, there is a lot of stress in our lives right now. We are in the midst of making some difficult decisions about life. But one thing that we do know is that both of us are in this forever and neither one of us is sorry, even with all of the crap going on that we chose to get married. That is one thing we are both very thankful for. But there will be some very big changes coming for the Cate's. I can promise you that.
No comments:
Post a Comment